Positive Parenting Begins With You

Positive parenting really does begin with you. The attitude that you use to raise your children will most likely be the attitude that they base their outlook of life on.  

A happy, positive and encouraging parent will often find that their children are happy, optimistic, and caring children. While negative, angry, depressed, or domineering parents may find that their children develop an aggressive, depressed, frustrated or angry viewpoint on life.

Creating kids with a positive attitude begins with you. If your kids are acting out in a very negative manner, it could be because the attitude and behavior that you direct toward your child, is being reflected back at you. Changing your behavior may be the first step needed to occur toward enacting a positive change in their attitude.

Respect and an encouraging attitude are mannerisms which we just naturally direct to other adults in our world. But we often forget that these same mannerisms are just as important for portraying an attitude of acceptance to our children. 

It is just so very easy to assume an authoritarian attitude toward our kids and this is where negative parenting begins. By not encouraging our children to voice their feelings and opinions, or not allowing them to have control over important issues that concern them, we take away their ability to discover who they are going to become in the future. We create frustrated kids, which often leads to negative attitude, and behavior reflecting back to us from them. 

Negative parenting happens very easily, and once this negative parenting begins, it quickly becomes a habit. Although the steps to a new lifestyle are simple, it does take time, dedication, and a willingness by you to change. Giving kids the best future possible, is a gift that every child deserves, and positive parenting does this. 

Invest the few minutes that it will take you to read this article. Allow your children to take control of their lives. Let them enjoy discovering what their likes and dislikes are. Let them have an opinion and know that their opinion is important. Allow them to be proud of themselves and all that they have to offer to this big old world that we live on.

Do not use aggression or force on your children - encourage open communication in your home: Discuss and communicate with your children. Insure that you talk with your children and not just talk at them. Open communication means that all parties have a turn to speak, and an equal opportunity to voice their reasoning, or concerns on whatever subject is being discussed.  

Too often we talk at, or down to our children, rather than really conversing with them. We do not afford our child the same respect within conversations that we give to other people and it is important to correct this. A child needs to know that their opinions are just as valuable as any other.

Do you command that your child do things rather than ask them to do things? If so you might sound like this: Get your coat on now! Just do it! These are actually commands rather than requests.

If you were speaking with a coworker or friend, you would ask them politely to do something for you, rather than just command them to do it. You would treat them with respect. So why is it that so many people command their child to do what they want them to rather than ask them. Could you please put your coat on now. I would sure appreciate it if you could you give me a hand.  

Treating a child with respect, teaches them to respect the rights of others, and to treat other people with respect. Speak with your child in a respectful manner, rather than with a commanding, or domineering attitude.

Use feelings to discuss issues or conflicts: Avoid commanding your children and not giving them the opportunity to explain why the situation is occurring ie: Stop fighting! Because I said so that is why! 

If a child is unable to verbalize or negotiate within a conversation, than they will often use aggressive actions to vent their frustration, or in an attempt to get their desired result.

Being able to discuss in an unbiased manner how a situation makes them feel, not only allows children to discuss their emotions in a positive manner, but it also gives them an understanding of how other people within the situation feel. Why are you angry at your sister? I understand that you are going to miss your show, but you know that your bedtime is at 8:00 every school night, and this show runs too late. You will be too tired tomorrow if you stay up to watch it. 

If open communication is allowed within these early conversations, then the child will be more likely to enter into conversation to resolve future conflicts, and less likely to engage in aggressive behavior. You can stay up an extra half hour, but get your pajamas on, and your teeth brushed during the commercials so you can dive into bed at 8:30. 

Rather than becoming angry, or depressed by not having control of events within their life, your child will learn to express his or her feelings to resolve future difficult situations.

Are you allowing your child the opportunity to express his/her opinions within conversations? What do you think of the new babysitter? How do you feel when she babysits? Were you scared when that spooky commercial came on? What did you think of that movie? 

A child's feelings are as important as any other persons. Learning to discuss their opinions on issues and events gives a child confidence. It also encourages individuality. By encouraging and accepting a child's opinion, you show the child that even if their viewpoint is different from that of others, it is still a perfectly acceptable opinion.

Avoid negative comments: You are horrible. You are fat. You are mean. You are stupid. You are lazy. You are ungrateful. These are unacceptable statements to make to anyone and this is especially true when you are speaking to a child. 

Negativity breeds negativity, frustration, anger and resentment. Resolve and diffuse negative occurrences throughout the day, but focus on, and highlight the positive events that occur.  

I am very proud of you. I know that you are trying very hard. I am so glad that you are here to keep me company. That was a very nice thing for you to do. You are so pretty. That was very kind of you. Positive statements will encourage a child to have a positive attitude and optimistic view of life. Find positive things to say to your children throughout the day. Look for ways to compliment your child.

Be polite - Be respectful: Say please and thank you to your child just as you would say it to any other person that you interact with. If you do hurt your child's feelings, do not leave these hurt feelings there to fester, make sure that that you apologize to your child just as you would like them to apologize to you.

Never put your child in a lose - lose position: Some questions don't have an answer. Don't give your child questions that have a negative outcome no matter how they attempt to answer. Don't back your child into a corner. Do you want a spanking? Did you do that?  

Use conversation to find out why the event occurred in the first place, and then work at finding a resolution that is best for both of you, so that the event is less likely to occur again.

Why did you do that? Why are you angry? Why are you sad? What happened here? Let your child know that you respect them and value their feelings and opinions on the subject. By treating your child's feelings with respect they will learn to respect the feelings of others who they communicate with. Conflicts can be resolved through open communication, and in a positive manner, even when some form of punishment occurs.

No matter who you are talking to, learning how to communicate effectively, is very important. Participate in an assertiveness training program either Online or through your local college. Teach these same principals to your children and encourage them to use them in all aspects of their life.

The principals are actually very basic. Envision a swinging pendulum on a clock. The starting point or center is where the pendulum lies before it swings left, then back to the center, and then to the right. 

To the left is the passive person, in the center stands the assertive person, and to the right is the aggressive person. You want to be the assertive person and remain the majority of the time in the center point of the pendulum.

Keep in mind that becoming an assertive person, alike most things in life, takes practice. When you are first learning to be assertive you may swing wildly to either side of the pendulum. It's okay, as you become more assertive and much like the pendulum on a clock swings, it will balance out. 

You will slowly stray less from the center as you become more visibly able to see which range of the pendulum your emotions and actions are at. Again self control and learning are the keys to success.

The "Passive person" does not stand up for their personal rights, this individual is submissive, and allows others to bully or coerce them into doing things that they may not want to. The passive person may also on occasion swing into the realm of an aggressive person in an attempt to achieve their rights, thereby swinging too far right on the pendulum, and becoming a passive - aggressive individual.

The "Aggressive person" attempts to take away the rights of other people. They may be a bully using violence or threats to get their way. They attempt to dominate others with no respect to the feelings or rights of the other person.

The "Assertive person" stands up for their rights without infringing on the rights of others. They stand up for and demand their right to achieve their wants and needs without ever becoming aggressive towards other people. This person may choose on occasion to be passive, but this is by choice, and not because they are forced to. They do not swing into aggressive behavior because they know that this would infringe on another person's rights.

Being an assertive person is where ideally we as humans should strive to be in the many relationships within our lives. Although the pendulum swings either direction it should be our goal to sit as close to the center as possible on most issues within our life. We may choose to allow a little old lady to shuffle her way into a checkout line up ahead of us (passive behavior) but we won't ever bean her over the head with our handbag for doing it (aggressive behavior).

Only you can change who you now are. Keep working at it and practice will help you to become a more assertive person.

To find Online Assertiveness programs simply Google "assertiveness training". There are hundreds of Internet sites which deal with this topic, but try to find Government, Educational or Medical sites dealing with this
topic.

Positive Parenting Really Does Begin With You.

Think Happy - Be Happy 

Get your endorphins flowing. When you participate in pleasurable activities like smiling, laughing, exercising or playing, your brain does an amazing thing and releases a little chemical message known as an endorphin. 

These endorphins are feel good messages that have the power to actually remove physical and emotional pain. They travel down the spine, and then throughout your body, sending a feeling of well being as they go. These endorphins not only have the ability to relieve pain but they also have the power to make you feel happy.

Take time to play

It really is important!